The Secret of the Bottle

[The Human Cancer]

Ted DiBiase had just walked into the new AA "Office" and noticed Hall and Austin sitting in lawn chairs at a card table held up by two beverage coolers.

.: $ | Ted DiBiase | $ |::.
It looks great, boys! It really does. This must have taken you guys what? Five...Maybe ten minutes!?

Hall let out an impressive belch, took another swig from his bottle of Budweiser, and wiped his mouth.

.: The Bad Guy | Scott Hall | The Swaggering Cuban |::.
...Hey, Yo! Listen up, Chico...Me an' The Rattlesnake here did a real good job fixin' this joint up, mang! Check it out. We got a table, we got some chairs, we got the booze, mang! We got it all!

DiBiase shook his head and proceeded to the empty chair next to Austin. As he sat down, "Stone Cold" glared angerly at him before taking a chug from his beer.

.: $ | Ted DiBiase | $ |::.
What's your problem?

.: Texas Rattlesnake | Steve Austin | Stone Cold |::.
Were you raised in a barn? Are you some kind of animal? Go and use the damn door!

Austin took his free hand and pointed across the room to a make shift door made from plywood and duct tape! On the door was also a sign that read "AA Meeting: Today, Chico" DiBiase took a look at the door and began laughing hysterically.

.: $ | Ted DiBiase | $ |::.
You can't be serious! Do you really expect The Million Dollar Man to get up, walk around, and come through that sorry excuse for for a door!?

.: Texas Rattlesnake | Steve Austin | Stone Cold |::.
Do I look like I'm not serious, Son? Now, get your rich ass up and use the damn door!

.: The Bad Guy | Scott Hall | The Swaggering Cuban |::.
You better listen to him, mang! This chico right here mang, he 'aint kiddin' around, mang!

.: $ | Ted DiBiase | $ |::.
Unbelievable!

DiBiase gets up and tosses the lawn chair behind him. He than walks across the room to the "door" and goes to turn the handle, but it's locked! DiBiase begins banging on the door, waiting for a response.

.: The Bad Guy | Scott Hall | The Swaggering Cuban |::.
We don't want any, Mang!

.: $ | Ted DiBiase | $ |::.
Just open the damn door, Hall! Austin...Austin! Open this door immediately!

"Stone Cold" tips his chair back and rests his feet on the shady table. It begins to wobble a bit, nearly spilling Hall's beer!

.: Texas Rattlesnake | Steve Austin | Stone Cold |::.
Did you bring any beer?

DiBiase leaned to the side of the door facing Austin.

.: $ | Ted DiBiase | $ |::.
What do you mean, did I bring any beer? I was just in there two seconds ago! How would I have time to get any beer for you two lushes?

The "Office" goes quiet for a second. Than, Hall breaks wind!

.: The Bad Guy | Scott Hall | The Swaggering Cuban |::.
Beer farts, Mang! They'll getcha' every time!

.: $ | Ted DiBiase | $ |::.
You know what? I'm out of here! You guys can come and get me when you're sober!

As DiBiase heads towards the corridor, Austin leans forward in his chair and walks towards him.

.: Texas Rattlesnake | Steve Austin | Stone Cold |::.
What's the matter, Ted? You gonna squirt some? You gonna shed a few tears!? Well, good! Cause 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin shows no remorse! Now, get your ass into the office before I hafta' stomp a mudhole in it and walk it dry!

DiBiase hesitates, than follows Austin back into the office. As they walk in, Hall is shown passed out on the table in a pool of drool.

.: Texas Rattlesnake | Steve Austin | Stone Cold |::.
Well, 'aint this cute! This sorry som-bitch can't even hold his booze right! Hey, Jackass! Close the door!

DiBiase angerly shuts the door. As he does, a shelf in the office falls. Dozens of beer cans fall off the object, hitting Hall in the back. Hall wakes up, looks around, and grabs one of the empties.

.: The Bad Guy | Scott Hall | The Swaggering Cuban |::.
Hey thanks, Mang! I been lookin' for all these! It's like...Ten cents a can in Michigan, Chico!

.: $ | Ted DiBiase | $ |::.
What have I gotten myself into?

The scene fades as Hall holds the empty can up to his ear.

.: The Bad Guy | Scott Hall | The Swaggering Cuban |::.
I can hear the ocean, Mang!

TBC: ??

[The Human Cancer]

While Ted, Scott, and Austin were sitting around the shifty card table discussing future A/A plans, a pair of footsteps could be heard trotting down the hall. The trio continued to talk, and the footsteps drew closer and closer. It was Steve who noticed first, leaning back in his chair and looking off to the side of the office. When Hall and Ted realized he wasn't talking, they followed his gaze; standing before them was "The Big Bad Booty Daddy" Scott Steiner in his usual foolish look of black jeans, a t-shirt, and his headdress.

.::]Stone Cold Steve Austin[::.
Now, what does YOUR sorry ass want, boy?

.::]The Big Bad Booty Daddy | Scott Steiner | Capt. Nonsense[::.
Watch how you talk to me Baustin! I'm the Beg Bad Booty Deddy! I'll lay your ass horizono!

.::]The Bad Guy | Scott Hall | The Swaggering Cuban[::.
Chico, are you drunk or am I mang? What did you just say?!

.::]The Big Bad Booty Daddy | Scott Steiner | Capt. Nonsense[::.
HUH!?

.::]The Bad Guy | Scott Hall | The Swaggering Cuban[::.
I said, chico, are you drunk or am I mang? What did you just say?!

.::]The Big Bad Booty Daddy | Scott Steiner | Capt. Nonsense[::.
I am the next world heavyweight championship! HUH!

|$| The Million Dollar Man |$| Ted DiBiase |$| The Richest Man in WWER |$|
Look pal, I don't know what your prob--

.::]The Big Bad Booty Daddy | Scott Steiner | Capt. Nonsense[::.
BITCH! I'M THE BIG BAD BOOTY DADDY! FREAKS AND PEAKS!

Ted raised an eyebrow, and looked over at Hall and Austin, who were just as confused.

|$| The Million Dollar Man |$| Ted DiBiase |$| The Richest Man in WWER |$|
Uh-huh...

.::]The Big Bad Booty Daddy | Scott Steiner | Capt. Nonsense[::.
HUH!

.::]The Bad Guy | Scott Hall | The Swaggering Cuban[::.
Look chico, you need your meds? I know a guy... Gets 'em real cheap mang...

Steiner ripped the black shades from his head, and made his way towards Hall. He crouched in front of him, the pair almost being nose-to-nose.

.::]The Big Bad Booty Daddy | Scott Steiner | Capt. Nonsense[::.
BITCH! HUH!?

Still, the trio sat a bit confused at this man before them, making no sense at all.

.::]The Big Bad Booty Daddy | Scott Steiner | Capt. Nonsense[::.
I don't have to wait for the world to spin on a 47 degree axis and the stars to touch the- HUH! BITCH!- Sky to kick your ass!

Hall rolled his eyes, as if to blow Steiner off. All of a sudden, a full beer can comes from the front of the table, pegging Steiner in the temple and sending him to the floor hard. Hall's eyes widened in shock as he saw the beer leak out of the can. He turned around, his face pale, to Steve Austin who was closing the cooler lid.

.::]The Bad Guy | Scott Hall | The Swaggering Cuban[::.
M--M-- Mang, please tell me why you wasted a full beer?!

.::]Stone Cold Steve Austin[::.
SOMEONE had to shut that sum-bitch up!

Ted had buried his head into his hands, and begun to shake his head slowly.

|$| The Million Dollar Man |$| Ted DiBiase |$| The Richest Man in WWER |$|
These two are like a traveling circus... What did I get myself into?

He mumbled to himself, his face still in his hands.

TBC: Anyone