|
|
Post by The Messiah of Human Torture on Apr 9, 2007 22:57:37 GMT -5
The camera cuts to a shot, at a WWE RAW, where XWA heavyweight champion, Raven, along side his valet, Riot, is sitting. Right next to him is the GM of XWA, and all are wearing black shirts(Major note: The GM, and Raven are both wearing the 'Sex and Violence' Edge shirt) They are busy watching a match between Chris Masters and John Cena.
Raven: What the hell? I am the God of all wrestling, yet they treat me with this rubbish of a match?
GM Iser: Indeed this match is horrible.
The two rowdy XWA reps start yelling 'THIS MATCH SUCKS!' and starts getting a 'THIS MATCH SUCKS' chant from all the hardcore fans. A nerdy faggot with a John Cena shirt approaches them.
Nerd: Sit down and shut up!
Raven: You realize who you are dealing with, kid?
Nerd: No.
Raven: I am the greatest champion of all time.(He flashes the XWA belt)
Nerd: A copy of a belt...nice.
Raven: A COPY MY ASS! I HAVE BLEED AND SWEAT AND SACRAFICED FOR THIS BELT, yet you can't even get an inflatable girlfriend because your so damn lonely.
GM Iser: Or, he's just a faggot who hangs with all his fellow John Cena cocksuckers.
Nerd: You're mean!(He starts crying)
Raven has his 'Pretend to care' look, and then flips him off.
Nerd: I'm telling mommy!(He starts balling)
GM Iser: I don't even think his mother would love him.
Raven: He needs to be nonexistant, he's blocking my view of this shitty match.
The GM and Raven double superkick him and then go back to watching the boring Masters-Cena match.
GM Iser: THE STEROID LOCK!
Raven: You mean the master lock?
GM Iser: No, the steriod lock, cause he injects himself in the ass with roids five times a day.
Raven: I didn't need to know that.
A guy with a bunch of burgers comes down.
Raven: Hey fat-ass!
The guy looks at Raven and the GM.
Burger man: You want a burger?
GM Iser: Make it two.
The Burger man gives them their burgers.
GM Iser: Put it on the XWA tab...
Burger man leaves.
GM Iser: I didn't want to pay for these small ass burgers.
Raven: For the millionth time, go to Sonics...best fucking burgers.
GM Iser: Damn...need one of those...
The two begin chanting boring at the match again and start pissing off the crowd around them.
|
|
|
|
Post by #HEEL Dark Lord on Apr 9, 2007 23:20:02 GMT -5
As they continue the boring chant, a women with her small child approaches the two
Woman: You two should be ashamed of yourselves, look at your shirt, how can you wear such a thing in public?
Raven: We wear it cause we live it. Sex and Violence is my motto, and from what I can see, you don't seem to get much sex now do you hag?
Woman: Well, I never....
GM Iser: We know you never had sex ya twit, but you have an illegitimate child, whose father is every guy in every bar you've been to, you skank.
Raven: Look lady, we know you want to pin this kid on us, but we are too hardcore for bimbo's, so I suggest you get out of our way, before you regret it.
The lady leaves as they continue to watch the match.
GM Iser: Oh look, the amazing spin out power bomb, we have only seen this 5 billion times.
Raven: Yeah, and each time he does it, it still does not look real.
Cena then does the 5 knuckle shuffle and does the you can't see me thing.
Raven and the GM are shown waving their hands rapidly in front of their faces mocking the Champ.
Raven and the GM: You can't see us we're AWESOME!!!!
Old Man: Would you keep it down?
Raven: Shut it gramps, you can't see me, cause your glasses are broken.
Old Man: What do you mean, my glasses are fine?
Raven grabs the glasses and stomps on them.
GM Iser: Not anymore chumpstain.
The old man is shown crawling on the floor trying to get his glasses.
Raven: These people are stupid, I am the XWA Champion, they should have given us better seats, now we must sit with these poor excuse for fans.
GM Iser: Yeah, we should have our own skybox away from these assclowns.
A random teenage boy approaches Riot.
Teen: Hey baby, why don't we re-arrange the alphabet and put "U" and "I" together?
Raven: Who in the blue hell are you, and what are you doing hitting on my girl?
Teen: I am more of a man than you are.
Riot gets up and slaps him across the face then spits on him.
Raven: Yeah, back off fool, she is far too hardcore for you.
GM Iser: Damn, what a women.
The trio reluctantly go back to watching the match.
|
|
|
|
Post by The Messiah of Human Torture on Apr 9, 2007 23:33:53 GMT -5
GM Iser: Oh my god! Cena just hit an F-U!
Raven: IT'S A FUCKING FIREMAN'S CARRY! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
GM Iser: A-Men. A transvestite humping someone hurts more than a fireman's carry.
Raven: This match has got to be worse than seeing Vito in a dress.
GM Iser: That's say'n something.
A girl with boobs the size of grapefruits comes in.
GM Iser: Move it, slut, your boobs are causing static on all the monitors.
Girl: Well...I ne..(she finds Raven) You look awesome.
Riot kicks her once and she runs away in fear.
Raven: I'm already taken you dumbfuck.
GM Iser: AND GO BACK TO THE GUTTERS YOU FUCKING WHORE! I'd get a sexually transmetted disease originated from a rat if I touched you.
Raven: These people are dumbasses.
GM Iser: We are in Texas after all. What'cha expect?
Raven: A bunch of hicks riding bulls?
GM Iser: I think we saw that on our way here on the limo.
Raven: Oh my fucking god...the STFU...
GM Iser: That submission is more fake than Torrie Wilson's boobs.
Raven: Masters taps.
GM Iser: That match sucked.
A random-ass hillbilly hick comes up to them.
Hick: You're jealous you don't have the skills Cena has.
GM Iser: Wow...it takes real skills to suck Vince's dildo.
Raven: It takes real skills to apply a move that spits in my face, his face, hell, even Pat Patterson's rolling in his grave.
GM Iser: and he ain't even dead yet.
Hick: I'll go ride my bull.
GM Iser: Don't fuck it too hard, that's the only thing you have right?
The hick leaves crying.
|
|
|
|
Post by #HEEL Dark Lord on Apr 10, 2007 14:10:24 GMT -5
Raven: I do not think I can stand watching this crap anymore, how about we crash the party?
GM Iser: Sounds good to me.
Raven and the GM beat up some of the security guards who try and prevent them from getting over and rush into the ring.
Raven quickly charges and nails a huge Spear on Cena, as the GM Superkicks Masters right out of the ring.
Fans start booing loudly as Raven continues to wail away on Cena with stiff right hands to the face. all of the sudden the fans cheer loudly, as the self-proclaimed honorary GM, this little kid comes down to the ring to save Cena.
The kid enters the ring and Raven hits the biggest small/big impact on the kid as the crowd boos loudly. The GM stops attacking Cena and points and laughs at the little kid who is crying in pain.
Riot hands Raven a mic as he begins to address the WWE fans.
Raven: Can someone tell me why myself, The GOD of wrestling, must be in the same building as all you people, and have to witness the most boring match of all time Cena/Masters? Don't I deserve better than this? So I took it upon myself to right this wrong, so I just crashed your precious main event. Let me tell you WWE sheep someting, XWA is the dominant brand, not only do we have better talent, but we damn sure have better champions, a great example is myself of course.
The crowd boos loudly
Raven: Oh you people don't like that? Well too damn bad, and just like this pathetic excuse of a kid, WWE will fall victim courtesy of XWA and the Dead Pool. Never again will I have to sit in a run down arena, with a bunch of drunk ass hillbillies and stupid nerds who cheer this bling bling piece of shit and sit and waste time of my life I will never get back watching two people pretend to know how to wrestle. Those days are over, and a new generation has begun, the era of greatness, known as XWA, so it has been written, soon it shall come to pass, for I am the Virus of Life, and I shall infect the WWE, Quote The Raven, Nevermore.
Raven picks up Cena and gives him the Chaos Theory, as the GM picks up the kid and tosses him into the crowd as they bodysurf him around the arena.
The three of them pose in the ring as "Bury Myself Alive" by The Used hits the P.A. as the WWE fans throw garbage into the ring as the XWA trip throw it right back at them.
|
|
|
|
Post by The Messiah of Human Torture on Apr 10, 2007 14:23:23 GMT -5
The GM steals another mic.
GM Iser: Are you people happy to see us or what?
The fans BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO that remark.
GM Iser: You realize...that by the time Cena came to RAW...he commited the most unearthly of sins...
The fans are stunned now.
GM Iser: He became.... ONE OF YOU!!!!! This man was no longer a true bad-ass, he was just a pathetic, piece of monkey shit just like each and every one of you Texan cunts. So this man has become a fraud of what he really was, which is why you cheer for him. You self centered sheep cheer for the ones you feel sorry for. The badass John Cena is DEAD! DEAD!! DEAD!!!!!!!!!
The GM infantically slams the microphone as Swan Dive once again plays through the arena and the fans go back to booing.
|
|
