Barely Legal match card

[The Messiah of Human Torture]

Opener: Shelton Benjamin vs an opponent named by Bischoff at the PPV in a TV Title match

Tag title match: Christian and Storm*subbing for Edge* vs opponents named by GM Iser.

Monster's Ball: Kane vs Rhino vs Abyss vs Sabu

RVD vs Steel in a singles match

Raven vs Matt Hardy in a falls count anywhere match

Undertaker vs GM Iser in a casket match

Main Event: Vampiro X vs Edge for the XWA title of the world

[The Messiah of Human Torture]

The show begins with Joey and Tazz on commentary.

Joey: HELLO ladies and gentlemen and welcome to XWA, Barely Legal! I'm Joey Styles along side the Human Suplex Machine Tazz!

Tazz: Damn right, Joey. How are we gonna open up?

(Diary of Jane begins to play as the fans cheer like crazy)

Joey: He isn't scheduled to wrestle at this point, so I'm guessing we will hear him talk a while.

Tazz: I suppose so.

*The GM enters the arena in Cameron North Carolina with a bunch of cheers from the crowd. He comes out alone this time as he walks down to the ring and grabs a mic and begins to address.*

Iser: A-lot of memorys throughout XWA...I remember our first PPV...it was titled Barely Legal. We had the ultimate battle in good vs evil for the XWA title of the world...then we had the shocking debut...of Vampiro X.

*The fans give a mixed reaction, more cheers, at the mention of Vampiro X*

Iser: Tonight...there will be more memories made...new iconic moments in history...

*The fans cheer that remark*

Joey: How sentimental...

Tazz: I'm a little down after hearing this from our GM...too mushy.

Iser: I was gonna take the high road and leave...but fuck it.

*The fans pop for that as Iser begins to get very upset*

Iser: UNDERTAKER!

Tazz: Holy crap...he sure just snapped in a hurry.

Iser: They call you the dead man...but that is nothing more than a myth. YOU are nothing more than a damn myth...where you actually believe you are some kind of anti-christ.

Joey: Ouch.

Iser: As soon as you wanted to come in...I said alright, do your thing...and then how stupid was I to say that. Your thing apparantly involves trying to put me on a cross and torturing me. Your 'thing' apparantly involves a satanic goatee...and your 'thing'...involves you trying to end my life...

*Iser closes his eyes*

Iser: All I have left to say is this...

*Iser opens his eyes once more, with an ensenced look on his face*

Iser: UNDERTAKER! AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, I! WILL! KILL! YOU!!!!!!

Tazz: Wow. The GM sure seems ready for Undertaker's own match type.

Joey: He has to be, Tazz...he has to be.

[The Messiah of Human Torture]

*Ain't no stopping me now!*

Shelton Benjamin comes out, wearing the TV title.

Joey: Here comes our TV champion, set up to defend his title on PPV.

Tazz: Not to mention our best athlete in the entire promotion.

Joey: Who is the opponent Bischoff set up for him?

*Batista's music hits*

Joey: I think XWA forgot to drug test Batista because he might overdose on steriods.

*Tazz backhands Joey*

Tazz: I do the color commentary, and besides...Batista already overdosed as he is horrible with women!

*Batista runs into the ring, but gets a Pay-dirt for a huge pop!*

Tazz: Good night irene.

*Shelton covers for the win*

Tazz: Impressive showing from Benjamin here.

*Joey moves around his jaw*

Joey: Ow.

[The Messiah of Human Torture]

Quick result: RVD defeats Steel in 14 minutes via Five star frog splash in a back and forth match.

[#HEEL Dark Lord]

OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!


Tazz: Here comes the homwtown boy.


Joey: Matt Hardy.


*Matt Hardy steps onto the ramp full of energy as his hometown crowd go wild with cheers*



Tazz: Always good to be in your hometown, even though it will be short lived.


Joey: Such a buzzkill



Lillian: The following match is Falls Count Anywhere, introducing first, weighting in at 224 pounds, Cameron, North Carolina's own, MATT HARDY!!!!!



*Matt Hardy interacts with his hometown fans as he gets into the ring*


Joey: Huge reaction for Matt.



*Lillian hands Matt a mic as his music fades*



Matt: It sure it good to be back home.


*Crowd pops huge*


Matt: This sure beats being on Monday Night RAWR anyday.

Tazz: What did he say?


Matt: I love being here, it's.



ALL HAIL THE DARK LORD..... HE IS HERE



*Suck It Up by Hed p.e. begins to play as smoke pours out of the entrance ramp, the crowd in a loud frenzy of boos*



Tazz: Kick ass intro, The Dark Lord is coming, you better run Matt.


Joey: Oh, gicve me a break.


Lillian: And the opponent, from Toronto Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 215 pounds, The Dark Lord, Raven!!!!!!



*Suck It Up continues to play, but Raven does not appear*


Tazz: Raven, my man, where are you?


Joey: Maybe he is scared of Matt.


Tazz: Don't be insane.


* As Matt looks on in confusion we see the titrontron stop playing Raven's video, as we see Raven currently live in the parking lot of the arena*


Raven: Matt, over here. Did you really think I would give you people the honor of seeing me in person? You must be kidding. All you ass backwards hicks have nothing better to do than gather in your trailer parks, watch NASCAR and act like you are all intelligent. What a joke.



*The crowd boos loudly*



Joey: What a Jerk.


Tazz: He speaks the truth.


Raven: What's the matter Matt? Did I upset you? Why don' you get out of the ring, and do something about it. I'm not going anywhere. Come on Matt, fight me like a man.


*Matt gets tired of hearing Raven talk so he climbs out the ring and runs up the ramp, heading to the parking lot*



Joey: Matt heard enough from Raven, and will give him a piece of his mind.


*Cameras show Matt as he walks backstage, mumbling curses under his breath as he walks into the parking lot.*


Matt: Get out here Raven, no one comes into my backyard and insults me and my family. COME OUT HERE NOW!!!



Tazz: Matt will pop a blood vessel.


Joey: I am sure Matt will like to break something of Raven's.


*Matt walks past a few cars and looks behind them checking for Raven*


Matt: I don't have all day Raven.



*Matt opens a car door and looks inside, he closes it and turns around but is suddenly forced back first into the car's hood on the recieving end of a Dark Assassin*


Tazz: I think you found him Matt.


Joey: I think Raven found him.



*Raven picks up the mic as he looks at the prone body of Matt*


Raven: Do you regret finding me now Matt? If you don't, I am sure you will in time. Until then, let's go for a little stroll shall we.


*Raven puts the mic in his pocket and he bends down and grabs Matt by the legs and drags him out of the parking lot.*


Joey: They are leaving the arena, this is going to be bad.


Tazz: Yeah, bad for Matt. Camera man, make sure you follow them.



*Cameras show Raven kicking the door open as he leads Matt to the outside of the arena*


Joey: They are going allover the place.



*Raven drags Matt across the pavement, stopping occasionally to kick him in the ribs*


Raven: Having fun Matt? I figure since you know this town so well, you could give me the grand tour. I would love to see what you hicks do for fun.



*Raven lifts up Matt and tosses him head first into a phone booth*



Tazz: Matt tried to call collect, too bad his head can't call out of state.


Joey: Oh for the love of god


Raven: I'm sorry Matt, did you want to make a call?


*Raven goes to the phone puts a quarter in and presses some numbers*


Raven: Hi, whoever this is, I am sorry, Matt can't come to the phone right now, he is too busy getting his ass kicked*


*Raven hangs up the phone and hits the coin return button and gets his quarter back*


Tazz: You got to love Raven.


Joey: Do we really.


Raven: You know Matt, your town really doesn't have much going for it. You can't even have fun making phone calls. Such a shame.



*Raven grabs the limp body of Matt and pushes him into the phone booth, causing him to bounce off a spin around right into a Chaos Theory*



Tazz: WHAT A THING OF BEAUTY!!!


Joey: I think Matt's face is broken.


*Raven goes for the pin as the ref counts Matt out*


One


Two


THREE!!!!!!!


Lillian: Here is your winner, Raven!!!!



*Back inside the arena, Raven's music hits as he looks down at the fallen body of Matt.*



Raven: Well, that was fun, but still didn't live up to the expectations that I had for this place. But, I think I might know what will work.


*Raven bends down and picks Matt up and shoves him off the bridge as a loud splash can be heard.


Tazz: Talk about humilation, I hope Matt can swim!!!!



Joey: Someone save him!!!


Raven: Have fun Matt, I hope for your sake you know how to swim.


*Raven tosses the mic down as he walks back to the arena*




Winner by pinfall: Raven (10:00)

[The Messiah of Human Torture]

A person comes into the phone booth as Matt is yelling and begging for his life in the water.

Person: Hello, can the life guards come in and rescure this idiot in the water.

Tazz: HAH! A HOMIE OF MATT DISSING FATT LARDY! HA! AWESOME!

Joey: That's cold.

Person: The pussy in the water right now would make the fish eat too much of it, and they'd choke and die...and that would be bad for the economy.

Tazz:*Starts laughing like crazy*

The Life guard comes for Matt, and puts him up on the boat and they drive off to the hospital.

[#HEEL Dark Lord]

*The Canadian national anthem plays as Lance Storm and Christian Cage make their way onto the ramp as the crowd boos loudly*


Tazz: This is the tag title match. The Canadian Revolution will face a team of the GM's choosing.



Lillian: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the XWA tag team championship. Making their way to the ring, at a combined weight of 458 pounds, they are the XWA tag team champions, Lance Storm and Christian Cage, The Canadian Revolution!!!!




* Lance and Christian continue to walk down the ramp as Lance waves the Canadian flag making the crowd boo even more.*



Joey: The fans making their opinions heard.


Tazz: Not that it matters.


*Cage and Lance get in the ring as the anthem fades out. Lillian hands Cage a mic as she exist the ring*


Christian Cage: You people you feel honored that us great Canadians decided to come out here and allow you to witness greatness. You already saw how great us Canadians are, as Raven totally destroyed that chumpstain you call a hero Matt Hardy.


*The crowd boos loudly at the insult of their hero.*


Christian Cage: As far as our opponents go, it doesn't matter who we have to face. We are the best tag team in the industry today. After tonight, we will prove justr how dominate Canadians are. Get our reekazoid opponents out here.



Tazz: Who do you think it is Joey?


Joey: I have no idea.



*After a long pause a voice can be heard on a mic*


??: OH YOU DIDN'T KNOW?!?!


Tazz: No way, could it be...


?? Your ASS BETTER CALL SOMEBODY!!!!



*The New Age Outlaws theme begins to play as the crowd goes wild*



Joey: It's the New Age Outlaws..


Tazz: Thanks Captain obvious.



Lillian: And the opponents, weighing in at 517 pounds Badd Ass Billy Gun and Road Dog Jesse James, The New Age Outlaws!!!!



Joey: I can't believe it, this is HUGE!!!


Tazz: No it isn't Lady lips.



*The New Age Outlaws get in the ring as the ref holds up the titles and the bell sounds*


Tazz: There is the bell, and the match is underway.


*Jesse and Billy do the rock paper scissors decision but Cage runs behind Billy and hooks his arms into the Unprettier and drops him on the canvas*



Tazz: The Unprettier!!!! The Unprettier!!!!



*Storm knocks Billy off the apron as Cage gets the pinfall*


One


Two


Three



Lillian: Here is your winners and still XWA tag champions, Lance Storm and Christian Cage!!!!


*Take Over hits as The Canadian Revolution hold up the tag belts as the crowd boos loudly*


Tazz: What a title defense.


Joey: What a load of crap.


Tazz: Watch your language.

[The Messiah of Human Torture]

*Gong*

Joey: Here we go...it's time for the casket match!

*Gong*

Tazz: Here comes The Undertaker.

*Undertaker comes out with all the usual touches in his entrance...smoke, purple light etc...and he's in his old ministry attire minus the goatee. Usual facial hair. Fans are booing heavily.*

Joey: The very demented Undertaker, the creator of this match...and Paul Bearer is behind him...

*Bearer is pushing out a casket behind Taker, who enters the ring and reawakes the lights*

Tazz: This could end up being a slaughter.

Joey: Never underestimate the GM, Tazz.

Tazz: I suppose...but I think Taker has something planned.

*Diary of Jane begins to play as the fans go crazy as GM Iser comes out wearing one of his older attires. He has a pair of blue jeans on with one of his own t-shirts.*

Joey: Here comes the GM.

*The GM sprints down to the ring, and then ducks a Taker clothesline and starts kneeing Taker in the gut*

Tazz: A slugfest to start. Look at the GM go. I've never seen him brawl like this.

*Taker uppercuts the GM down, but he gets back up and dropkicks Taker and he falls back at the corner. Iser starts kneeing Taker in the gut repeatedly and then lays the fists to Taker*

Joey: The GM is outbrawling Taker.

*Undertaker then uppercuts the GM finally and knocks him back, and then hits a running big boot to knock the GM down*

Tazz: You were saying?

Joey: He can't brawl with Taker forever.

*Undertaker then picks the GM up and decks GM in the face with an elbow to the face, knocking him back, and then a clothesline knock down. Taker then picks the GM up by his hair and headbutts the GM and then another big boot.*

Joey: This is not a wrestling match...

Tazz: It's more like a street fight!

*Undertaker once again picks the GM up and then irish whips him to the corner. The GM jumps to the top rope and then hits a moonsault style crossbody on Taker...who catches. He trys to Oklahoma slam the GM, but the GM wiggles out and drops Taker with a reverse DDT!*

Tazz: Counter after counter...

*The GM then goes into the mount and starts laying the fists to Taker's face.*

Joey: He might break his own knuckles.

Tazz: I don't think the GM gives a damn.

*Iser is then grabbed by the throat by Taker as he gets up and Taker lifts the GM up into the air and then throws Iser into the corner. Taker then clotheslines Iser at the corner knocking him down. Taker then chokes Iser with the boot for a few minutes.*

Tazz: All legal.

Joey: I know.

*Iser then ducks a Taker left hand and then dropkicks Taker in the legs to take him to his knees. Then Iser hits a shining wizard to Taker's head to knock him down. Iser then climbs to the top rope to go for the B.M.E. and he hits it on Taker. Iser then hits Taker with three more right hands.*

Joey: Wow.

*Iser gets off for a minute to kick Taker in the head once, but Taker sits up quickly. Taker then blocks an Iser right hand and kicks him in the gut and then military presses Iser over his head.*

Joey: Oh lord.

*Taker then throws Iser out of the ring and he falls to the outside as the entire crowd gasps*

Joey: Good lord!

Tazz: That was a scary fall. I think that might've broke his neck!

[The Messiah of Human Torture]

*Taker slides out of the ring and sees a motionless Iser on the floor. Taker then motions for Bearer to hand him something. Bearer then hands Taker an urn.*

Joey: Oh God.

*Iser somehow stands, legs shaking from underneath him. Taker then just smashes the urn over Iser's head, and he goes down like a stack of bricks*

Tazz: That's it, he's dead.

*Taker then looks down at Iser and smiles, he picks Iser's carcass up and Iser is bleeding profusely. Taker starts nailing Iser over the head with his fists on that open wound.*

Joey: Good god.

*Taker then picks Iser up by the head, blond hair already dyed red from the blood loss, and slams him face first into the steps. Taker then climbs onto the ring apron and jumps for a leg drop, but Iser rolls out of the way barely causing Taker to land on the steps. Iser crawls to the chairs at the timekeepers area and stumbles up as Taker clutches at his leg. Iser grabs the chair and the blood is just dripping everywhere.*

Joey: Look at all that blood. Everywhere he steps there's blood left.

*Iser then swings a chair full force and nails Taker right in the head with a stiff chair shot*

Tazz: Holy shit!

*The fans chant 'Holy Shit' as Iser then starts swinging the chair repeatedly at Taker's body, hitting him everywhere and equally as stiff. Iser demands the casket be open as he slides into the ring with a chair. Suddenly, Vis pops out of the casket*

Joey: WHAT THE HELL!?

*Vis gets on the apron, but Iser hits Vis over the head with the chair, knocking him out on the apron*

Tazz: There goes a fat man.

*Then, Gangrel slides in, taps Iser on the shoulder, Iser spins around and Gangrel spits blood into Iser's eyes, temporarly blinding him*

Joey: Gangrel!? God damn it!

Tazz: No DQs, Joey.

*Gangrel then hits an Impaler DDT on Iser and lays him out. Taker slides into the ring and laughs at the downed Iser, he picks Iser up by the throat and chokeslams Iser into the casket and shuts the lid*

Joey: They just cost Iser the match...this is pathetic!

Tazz: Tell that to Undertaker, Joey. I'd youtube that encounter.

Joey: I'd rather not.

*Winner: Undertaker*

[The Messiah of Human Torture]

Quick Result: Kane pins Sabu in the monster's ball also involving Rhino and Abyss. Rhino GORES Kane after the match.

[The Messiah of Human Torture]

Quick result: After 30 minutes of back and forth action. Vampiro X defeats Edge by DQ after Ashley ran in and attacked the ref. Vampiro responds by giving Ashley the Dark Chaos and then Vamp and Edge continued to fight ending with Vamp laying Edge out with another Dark Chaos and then choking him out with the Mouthful of Poison. Vamp then steals the XWA Title and walks up the ramp as the fans cheer for their new hero against Edge.